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By Celia Rivenbark

From the writer of the bestselling classics We're similar to You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your center, Tramp, comes a set of essays so humorous, you will shoot co'cola from your nostril. issues comprise such gem stones as:

• Why pass over North Carolina is just too great to hate

• How Gwyneth Paltrow desires to increase your pathetic lifestyles

• Strapped for money? try out cat whispering

• intercourse each evening for a yr? How do you wrap that?

• Get yer Wassail on: it truly is carolin' time

• airways serving up one sizzling mess

• motion determine Jesus

• Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter

• and masses extra!

Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's real southern recipes, You cannot Drink All Day if you happen to do not begin within the Morning is bound to attract an individual who lives south of something.

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MICHELLE’S BELLY-BUSTIN’ large SUPPER it is a great solution to sober up quick in case you have overindulged within the aforementioned Firefly vodka through the cocktail hour. pay attention, y’all: Run, don't stagger, in your neighborhood likker shop and ask if they’ve received Firefly but. If no longer, call for that they give the impression of being into it, and the day prior to this. This unspeakably scrumptious hooch goes to switch the mint julep because the Southerner’s “getcher under the influence of alcohol on” beverage of selection; simply watch. Drink it at the rocks, if you’re courageous, yet I like it combined with components spring water, lemonade, or orangeade. Garnish with mint or lemon and orange wedges if you’re feeling show-offy. easily the simplest, I do claim. 1 can corn 1 can kidney beans 1 can black beans 1 can diced tomatoes 1 can refried beans 2 cups water 1 envelope ranch dressing combine 1 envelope taco seasoning Don’t drain any of the canned stuff; simply pour all of the components right into a mammoth pot and warmth via. in an effort to get “faincy,” you could garnish with shredded cheese and bitter cream and serve it with a massive ol’ bag of blue-corn tortilla chips. 21 Checkerboard goals: Shaggin’ with the (Sorta) Stars once they requested me to take part in a Dancing with the celebrities shag festival in Myrtle seashore, i used to be flattered yet tremendously anxious. Myrtle seashore, South Carolina, to these of you who haven’t ventured this a long way south, is the shag capital of the realm, in all probability the universe. in the event that they shag on Neptune, we’d kick their two-headed asses, these folks who've danced at the red-and-white checkerboard flooring of Studebaker’s, the holy shrine of the intense shagger. Shag, you spot, is the professional dance of the Carolinas. With its background rooted in jitterbug and leap blues, shag is often danced to R&B–flavored songs, with the legs and toes doing all of the fancy strikes. It’s astounding to observe and terrifying to grasp. That acknowledged, being requested to compete in a shag contest in Myrtle seashore is like being requested if you’d prefer to take a bit spin at the back of the wheel at Talladega or hang around at the balcony on the Vatican. My bigheaded second used to be short-lived, despite the fact that, after I giddily advised a female friend that I’d been requested to compete. “You’re in Dancing with the celebs? ” Pearl requested, appearing approach too stunned for my flavor. “Which celebrity do you get to bop with? ” “What? No! I’m the famous person! ” I corrected her. “Damn,” acknowledged Pearl. “They must’ve exhausted the B-, C-, and D-list celebs. Couldn’t they get Debby Boone or Tiffany or an individual? ” Come to consider it, Pearl and that i particularly aren’t all that shut. It took some time for me to give an explanation for to Pearl that this wasn’t the Dancing with the celebs with Tom Bergeron and that beautiful girl with the man-voice, yet fairly a charity fund-raiser with an identical structure. nonetheless, the stakes have been excessive since it was once Myrtle seashore. This wasn’t a few little expertise contest on the Moose resort; this used to be the massive leagues. i might be paired with a champion shag dancer through the identify of Brad, or as I wish to name him, the main sufferer guy on the earth. i used to be terrified yet Brad, who had a wall filled with trophies yet didn’t act love it, positioned me comfortable.

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